Abbott Elementary Quotes
Abbott Elementary Quotes Season 2
Janine: You are a weirdo.
Gregory: That’s an upsetting turn.
Janine: No, I mean that in a good way. I think that everyone deserves to be with someone who likes them exactly as is.
– I’m going to be a teacher.
– Wait. You’re trying to grow up to be broke?
Gregory: This first-grade curriculum is nuts. They expect us to get through all this in one school year? Are they for real?
Barbara: Sweetheart, it happens like this every year. The school district decides what we are capable of if we use every minute of the day. It is completely theoretical.
Gregory: Don’t want my students to fall behind. If this is what they expect of us, then it can’t be unrealistic.
Barbara: Welcome to the Philly public school system, where you never have what you need.
Janine: I thought coming into work a full adult would be my solution, but I’m drowning.
Barbara: Janine, you’ve had a break-up. Yes. They are hard. But they’re part of becoming whole, and if you let it, it’s part of becoming the adult you want to be.
Gregory: That Janine-Gritty-boot fiasco made me lose a shole mod of scheduling.
I don’t know what I’m going to do when the year starts.
Barbara: Gregory! Being a teacher is being asked to do the impossible year after year. And our only solution is to show up every day and try our best.
Janine: Thank goodness Jacob was able to load me some money.
Jacob: I gave her the money I was going to use for my student-loan payment. President Joey B’s going to cancel the rest of that debt like any day now.
Janine: When the water company called about my bill, I was more upset about how I miss yelling at Tariq for taking two-hour showers.
Jacob: In this climate?
Janine: I’ve picked up things fast my whole life. Fast walker, fast talker, fast reader. Not a fast healer, though. Some things can’t be rushed.
Mr. Johnson: Anybody drive a beat-up sedan?
Everybody: Yes.
Mr. Johnson: What about a silver one with bumper sticker that says, “If you can read this, thank a teacher”?
Ava: My summer was great. Thanks for asking. I got a hookah flavor named after me – Ava-lade. Notes of malt liquor and marmalade.
Abbott Elementary
2021 - 2023
Abbott Elementary is the comedy tv series about school in the US. It shows the lives of teachers working in public schools.
Cast:
Quinta Brunson as Janine Teagues
Tyler James Williams as Gregory Eddie
Janelle James as Ava Coleman
Lisa Ann Walter as Melissa Schemmenti
Chris Perfetti as Jacob Hill
Sheryl Lee Ralph as Barbara Howard
TV Series:
Season 1 (2021)
Season 2 (2022)
Abbott Elementary Quotes Season 2
Janine: I lost something.
Ava: What? Your sense of style?
Barbara: I say no. The kids aren’t complaining. If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.
Barbara: New projects mean new problems.
Jacob: What time? I mean, can I come? I need you to help me with my wine pairings. Zack – he gets embarrassed when I ask the clerk for the “second least expensive bottle.”
Ava: What all doing?
Janine: Prepping.
Ava: Working before work? Couldn’t be me.
Melissa: Hang on. Wait. Let me just say one thing to you before you go, ok? Your roots are growing in.
Barbara: Well, did your dad’s voice work on you?
Gregory: I’d say it did.
Barbara: Working here at Abbott as a young Black man, you are in a unique position. You are also at a crossroads. Now, I am not saying that discipline does not have its place, but your students can either fear you or they can respect you. You can’t have both.
Ava: Mr. Eddie, you didn’t send anyone to my office today.
Gregory: I feel like I got the situation under control.
Ava: You know you don’t need a misbehaving student to stop by my office. You could always just come say hi.
Gregory: And I’d have to be high to do that.
Jacob: Is there any chance there is a security camera pointed towards the bike rack?
Ava: No. our camera is pointed at the drop-off line so I can se which dads have nice cars.
Devin: Once a year, the lunch crew has a meeting to discuss new menu options from the school district. This year it was about juice. The meeting is technically open to all staff, but most teachers take the hint and leave it to the professionals. One teacher wouldn’t know a hint if it closed a door in her face. Twice.
Abbott Elementary 2021 Quotes
Melissa Schemmenti: We’re losing her. Do I have your consent to slap you?
Gregory Eddie: Gregory: I just don’t understand the concept of having a bunch of ingredients just slosh around in your mouth! It’s not just pizza. I’ve got like four or five things that I actually like, and I just stick to those.
Jacob Hill: Do you like pie?
Tariq: You know I’m a feminist. That’s why I let you pay for all my stuff.
Gregory Eddie: The whole class is underperforming, specifically in math, so we’re taking time in recess to practice to get those scores up.
Barbara Howard: Well, you know it’s always been my thought that if one child fails it’s on the child. But if all the children fail, it’s on their teacher.
Gregory: I like Fridays. I’s my cheat day.
Barbara: And what do you do on your cheat day?
Gregory: I work out. I just don’t do cardio.
Abbott Elementary Quotes - Janine
Janine Teagues: I’d say the main problem in this school district is, yeah, no money. The city says there isn’t any, but they’re doing a multimillion-dollar renovation the the Eagles’ stadium down the street from here.
Janine: Tina, look, just try some counting exercises. Somewhere between 1 and 40, the kids calm down.
Janine: My psych professor used to say that pride and stubbornness share a fence.
Janine: And sometimes, the best things you can ever do are the scary things. And they help you grow.
Janine: Mondays are my absolute favorite day because that’s when I get to come back here and see all you guys again.
Janine: This mystery person says, “I’ve been dating my boyfriend since eighth grade.” I wonder who this could be.
Melissa: Wait, like off and on?
Janine: Well, who says it’s me? But, no, just on.
Barbara: The whole time?
Janine: Yes.
Ava: But you’ve dated lots of other people?
Janine: Nope. Why are you all looking at me like that?
Barbara: Janine, sweetheart, you have only dated one man your entire life?
Janine: Yes.
Melissa: No women? Nobody else, ever?
Barbara: That just answers so many things. I mean …
Ava: Somebody get me a chair.
Melissa: Is the guy rich?
Janine: No, not monetarily. He’s an aspiring musician.
Ava: So, he broke? Somebody get me a fresh chair!
Abbott Elementary Quotes - Ava
Ava Coleman: Normally, I encourage cheating, but, girl, you got to let me know.
Ava: Look, Thursday is the sexiest day because it’s not as carefree as Friday and Saturday. You got to come back to work and deal with what you’ve done.
Ava: I got some free chaperones so that I could save money. We could save money!
Ava: My auntie’s dog needs her sweater back.
Janine: So, you’re taking it seriously, then.
Ava: As a heart attack.
Janine: What did he just day to you? That if you don’t do well, you’re gonna get fired?
Ava: Worse. He mumbled and I didn’t hear it.
Ava: Who gave you permission to put this on my wall? Is this Comic Sans? Wait a minute. A step class? Why am I just finding out about this? I’ve only been on vacation for a week.
Janine: Well, Ava, this has been going on for three weeks, and you signed off on it.
Ava: I sign anything that’s put in front of me. That’s how I ended up cosigning my ex’s car loan.
Janine: Thanks for your support. It’s been going great.
Ava: Well, it could be going better. Step was my thing in college! Certainly, wasn’t academics. I hate school. I was my sorority’s Step Master! We won the step show six years in a row.
Melissa: Wait. Six years?
Melissa: Part 3?
Ava: My bad, you all. She was supposed to skip second grade, but they told me during Essence Fest. I missed a lot of paperwork during that month.
Janine: Isn’t Essence Fest just a weekend?
Ava: Maybe for you all.
Abbott Elementary Quotes - Gregory
Gregory Eddie: You know, just because one person or some people don’t like the same thing that you like doesn’t mean that it’s weird to be different. Just because you don’t like this one popular thing does not mean that you are weird.
Gregory: And remember, you don’t wanna show too much improvement because then they think we won’t need the money, but then, also, you don’t want to show that we haven’t gotten any better because then they think we’re not capable of improvement.
Jacob: Wow. And this is the job you really want? Sound gross.
Gregory: Subbing here has been fine. I haven’t even gotten past teaching the kids my name, let alone that confusing reading program.
Abbott Elementary Melissa Quotes
Melissa Schemmenti: Being a real person is more important than being cool.
Melissa: Saturday’s the sexiest day. It’s not called “Thursday Night Fever.”
Melissa: We should be using people doing bad stuff to do good stuff for our kids.
Barbara: Janine, teachers at a school like Abbott we have to be able to do it all. We are admin. We are social workers. We are therapists. We are second parents. Sometimes we’re even first. Why? It sure ain’t the money.
Melissa: I could make more working the street easy. Look, we do this because we’re supposed to. It’s a calling.
Melissa: Honey, family you kill for. I am not killing for any of you. Except Barbara.
Barbara: Look, we come here, we love kids, we exchange delightful repartee. We are good colleagues. And then we leave. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Janine: How do you and Barbara stop yourselves from caring too much if that’s a thing?
Melissa: Because it’s the opposite. We care so much; we refuse to burn out. If we burn out, who’s here for these kids? That’s why you got to take care of yourself.
Superintendent: As long as Ava’s at Abbott and I’m the superintendent, you never will. She blackmailed me. It’s kind of hard to get over being blackmailed.
Melissa: You know, he’s no wrong. I haven’t spoken to my blackmailer in two years. Do I miss my sister? Yes, every day.
Abbott Elementary Jacob Quotes
Janine: Barbara, look, I know you told me to let it go, but I couldn’t. Jacob helped me open the breaker.
Jacob: It was a chance to support a strong Black woman.
Jacob Hill: I’m not sure it’s going to, you know, break through the noise. The internet is very busy. You know, you’re competing with alien conspiracies and animals that can sing. It’s missing that thing.
Jacob: You think you know someone, and then they cheat on you with their thumb.
Jacob: I’m partial to Wine Down Wednesdays myself. Little Pinot little “Peaky Blinders.”
Gregory: It’s not my fault! I was born this way.
Jacob: Don’t you bring Lady Gaga into this.
Melissa: You’ve played pok*r before, haven’t you? All right, you hustled me.
Jacob: Sorry. I’m actually really good at pok*r. When I did Teachers Without Borders, we had a lot of free time, so we basically would just play cards and have s*x with each other.
Mr. Johnson: What’s the name of that organization again?
Abbott Elementary Barbara Quotes
Barbara Howard: Our job is to build them up, make them confident. Is it nice to have stuff? Sure. But my students do not need to feel less than because they do not have stuff.
Jacob: Barbara, have you even been roasted by your students?
Barbara: One, they’re 5. Two, they respect me. Three, what would they even say?
Barbara: I don’t know about sexy, but my favorite day of the week is Sunday. The good Lord’s Day.
Barbara: All that education. You could be doing so much more.
Taylor: Like teaching, right?
Barbara: Well yes.
Taylor: There it is! Just because I didn’t make the same life choices you made; you can’t support me.
Barbara: That is not true.
Taylor: It is true. You wanted me to be someone who dedicated their life to children and can’t afford a nice car or a mortgage and dresses like Mr. Rogers.
Taylor: Were we this crazy when I was in your class?
Barbara: No. And I blame “Real Housewives.” The kids watch with their mothers, and every season, a new beast is created.
Quotes Abbott Elementary - Mr. Johnson
Gregory: Wait, you never dreamed of just doing one thing?
Mr. Johnson: Sure, I have. But a dream can be a distraction just as easy as it can be a goal.
Mr. Johnson: Whatever it takes to keep you out of my hair.
Kid: Sir, you are bald.
Mr. Johnson: You got to be open for what life brings you. If I’d kept aiming for that one job I wanted so much when I was your age, you’d be looking at a very unfulfilled operations manager at Uncle Bradley’s Baked Beans. I wanted that job.
Gregory: Must have had some good benefits.
Mr. Johnson: And a ladder straight to the top. Yes. But without that rejection, I never would have found out the stuff that I love.
Mr. Johnson: My favorite day is Tuesday. Because it’s trash day.
Mr. Johnson: He’s lying. He doesn’t like bacon.
Quotes Abbott Elementary - Tariq
Tariq: I’m a sober guy. I don’t get high.
Tariq: So, can I use that time to smash other people or nah?
Abbott Elementary Season 1 (2021)
Episode 1. Pilot
Gregory is a substitute teacher. The principal Ava spends money on a new sign and hair. Janine complains to the superintendent. The teachers decide to find another way to get several rugs for the school.
Episode 2. Light Bulb
Janine tries to fix the lights and causes an outage at the school. Barbara teaches Gregory how to deal with the parents of students.
Episode 3. Wishlist
Ava creates the video to get supplies for Janine’s classroom. The video was successful on social media. Ava produces the video for Barbara on social media as well. Jacob tries to use a donated useless printer.
Episode 4. New Tech
The district provides a new application to help with reading. All teachers have difficulties with the new application. Barbara enters random numbers by accident. Jacob and Melissa urge about the Philadelphia strikes and truth.
Episode 5. Student Transfer
Janine got a review that claims she is inexperienced. A disruptive student is transferred from Melissa’s class to Janine’s. Jacob fights against bulling from students.
Episode 6. Gifted Program
Janine failed in the “gifted program” at Abbott school because many students feel bad about it. Melissa considers dating the vending machine owner.
Episode 7. Art Teacher
A friend of Janine’s was hired as a new volunteer art teacher. Melissa bought books for Peter Rabbit’s project. The new art teacher makes the art project using these books. Jacob and Barbara start a new school garden because it was a lack of fresh vegetables in the school cafeteria.
Episode 8. Work Family
Janine wants to be friends not only at work. The boyfriend of the teacher performs anti-drug songs. Gregory’s dad says that he should apply for the new position of principal.
Episode 9. Step Class
Gregory doesn’t like pizza. The kids prefer Ava to Janine to teach them step for school performance.
Episode 10. Open House
Gregory wasn’t hired for the principal position because Ava knew the secret of the Superintendent. Barbara shows your daughter. Jacob has the secret talent to play pok*r.
Episode 11. Desking
Teachers fight against the new trend “desking”. Jacob performs “desking” to show that this is not cool for students.
Episode 12. Ava vs. Superintendent
Teachers help to create the presentation for Ava. The Superintendent denies her request for additional school funding. Barbara finds a way to get extra funding for school. Gregory gets a full-time job.
Episode 13. Zoo Balloon
Tariq wants to move to New York for the anti-drug tour. Barbara is upset because your favorite animal is retired. Janine decides to dump her boyfriend and stays in Abbott.
Abbott Elementary Season 2 (2022)
Episode 1. Development Day
Janine can be evicted from her apartment. She has not paid for speed tickets that should be paid by Tariq. The school district sends new instructions for lessons. Gregory tries to do a new schedule of lessons and activities. Meanwhile, Melissa has to teach ten third-grade students with second-grade students in the same room.
Episode 2. Wrong Delivery
Gregory doesn’t know how to break up with Taylor. Abbott school receives new books by mistake. Meanwhile, Janine offers to buy computers with the grant money. But mice change everybody’s plan. The school has to spend grant money on the extermination of mice.
Episode 3. Story Samurai
Jacob wants to take part in The Story Samurai show. Janine tries to warn him that all find them corny. Malissa can’t teach second and third-grade students at the same time.
Episode 4. The Principal’s Office
Gregory can’t discipline a disruptive student and send him to principal Ava. However, she doesn’t do her job properly. Janine meets Melissa’s sister.
Episode 5. Juice
Janine insists to replace the juice with the new version. It causes the use of the bathroom more often. All bathrooms are broken in the school. Ashley doesn’t help Melissa in the classroom.
Episode 6. Candy Zombies
The student dressed as Thanos steals all bags with candies. Janine doesn’t have friends outside work. She has just coworkers. Janine accepts the invitation to a Halloween party.
Episode 7. Attack Ad
The competitor school created the ad to smear Abbott. All teachers are shown as not professional. Only Barbara is shown as a brilliant teacher in the ad. Janine returns things to Tariq. However, she understands that he is not her man.
Episode 8. Egg Drop
Episode 9. Sick Day
Episode 10. Holiday Hookah
Episode 11. Read-A-Thon
Episode 12. Fight
Episode 13. Fundraiser
Abbott Elementary
2021 - 2023
Cast:
Quinta Brunson as Janine Teagues
Tyler James Williams as Gregory Eddie
Janelle James as Ava Coleman
Lisa Ann Walter as Melissa Schemmenti
Chris Perfetti as Jacob Hill
Sheryl Lee Ralph as Barbara Howard
Genre: comedy, romance
